These Kids Don't Stand a Chance Either

Do you live in a major metropolitan area? Do you have or are you planning to have small children? Did you know some preschools are willing to enroll zygotes as long as they have three letters of reference and exhibit good play skills in their one on one interview? It's no secret that people are procreating at a frightening rate these days and some cities are expanding at rates unseen in decades which is leading to extremely long waiting lists for nursery schools. In NYC, there are less open slots at nursery schools than there are snot nosed kids so what are the parents to do? Well, it turns out they have two options - they can either freak the fuck out and lose all semblance of human decency while fighting anyone who gets in their way as they desperately strive for those precious, precious slots or they can move the suburbs. This is what some refer to as a "no-win situation." The fantastic documentary Nursery University follows several families in various boroughs as they navigate the insane nursery school application process and try not to devolve into raving zombie-esque husks of humans out for blood.

This film made me glad to be an asexual wheel with no means of reproduction.

I went into expecting to hate the people highlighted yet I ended up liking or at least tolerating most of them. I thought they'd all be selfish maniacs with their priorities way out of whack but most seemed to be semi-regular folks caught up in a maelstrom beyond their control. There's no way people can enjoy the process, it is what it is and since they can't fight it, they have to just hold their nose and dive in.

Yeah, but some of them are rich bastards who use the term "feeder schools" without gagging and let the desire to give their kids the best life has to offer completely warp their minds. It was sad to see and I give the movie a 5.

Some of the parents were certainly annoying but I only ended up actively rooting against one couple and empathizing with most of the rest. Plus, the kids are pretty oblivious to all the nonsense and seeing them simply playing and being kids takes the edge off the craziness of the parents' race to get in the best schools. It's hard to hate on three year olds.

Watch me.