Rock 'n' Roll Whooptie Doo

Anvil! The Story of Anvil was a surprise heartbreaker. Billed as a real life Spinal Tap, it's the tale of a incredibly genial and goofy Canadian metal band that started out promising but never hit the big time while creatively inferior bands were basically treated like geniuses and received enormous recording budgets. It's a classic rise and fall story without much of a rise followed not so much by a fall but more by a constant, negative plateau.

Those hosers deserved what they got. Sure the drummer could tap out a beat pretty fast and the singer/guitarist could use a dildo to shred on that Flying V like nobody else, but the tunes they write are pretty sub-standard and lame.

But you could say the same about many other bands that were lucky enough to grace the cover of Kerrang! back in the day. Faster Pussycat? Enuff Z'Nuff!?! The Bullet Boys!?!?!?

But they were prettier. "Lips" and Robb Reiner are some pretty heinous looking dudes, even by metal standards. On scale of 1 to Lemmy, they fall somewhere in the middle.

It couldn't have just been looks that catapulted those other bands to the spotlight, could it? There had to have been other factors working against Anvil.

Exactly. They were missing the essentials such as drive, ambition, talent and managers who don't book them shows where they play in front of 11 confused Transylvanians.

I disagree. They obviously had the drive but I think both their home base far away from the Sunset Strip mixed with their inability to play by the rules of the record industry crippled them to point of no return. Anvil had no idea how to advance in the world of music, how to show an ounce of professionalism or how to navigate the oily back room dealings that fuel fame and stardom. They are the Replacements of the heavy metal universe.

I give it a 5. It was amusing to see how similar they were to David St. Hubbins and Co. but I just couldn't care about them enough to root for them.

Poor, heartless wheel. I cry for Anvil and I cry for you.