Double Dystopia

I love dystopian nightmare films. They've got everything I adore - retro visions of the future, desperate, doomed protagonists and a dim view of society. Tonight we revel in two horrific imaginings of the future past. First up, Escape From New York. This is a dark, dark movie full of dimly lit alleys, burned out buildings and sewer dwelling freaks. The premise couldn't be more awesome - It's the year 1997 (imagine that!) and the island of Manhattan has been a maximum security prison for 9 years. There are no guards or police inside the walls as they left the prisoners to their own devices and allowed them to create a society of their own. You know what that means - lots of burning car frames and tire iron fights.


That's enough plot for an entire movie but then John Carpenter turns up the heat by having Air Force One crash into the island so now the president is at the mercy of the degenerate criminals running free. Kurt Russell plays "Snake" Plisskin, a war veteran turned criminal assigned to save the president and (drumroll please) Escape! From New York!

Imagine if one of the gangs in The Warriors was made up of pirates and heads of state and you've got yourself Escape From New York. This movie is very much of its time and has 1981 stamped all over it from the cheesy effects to the giant phones to the wonderfully synthy John Carpenter soundtrack.

Unfortunately it doesn't kick as much ass as it should. The plot is great but the pacing is glacial. Ernest Borgnine is wonderful as a Molotov cocktail throwing cabbie and you can't help but love the chandeliers on the hood of Isaac Hayes' car but Kurt Russell growls rather than acts and overall it gets a 6.

The second film of the night was THX 1138, a movie as washed out and white as Escape From New York was murky and black. This dystopian nightmare follows three inhabitants of a fascistic futureworld where emotions are squashed thanks to platefuls of sedatives and genuine human interactions seem next to impossible. It is very creepy and unnerving, especially the robot policemen with silver faces. They wander around keeping the peace and utter canned phrases to manage the denizens of this citysized asylum. After the heroes lock themselves in a room to escape the dronebots, the metal cops plead "Please try the lock on your door, we can't get in" in emotionless, calm tones right before they cut the doorknob off.

It's hard to imagine this film coming from George Lucas. It's a difficult movie to watch and is full of artsy-Kubrickian touches that seem at odds with the intentions of a man who later created much derided cutesy creatures such as the Ewoks and Jar Jar Binks. This movie also shows a very singular point of view that is prickly and off-putting, not what you'd expect from the creator of one of the most popular fantasy series of all time. I was really impressed by the look of this film. It was beautifully shot and the special effects were amazing. It was made 11 years before Escape From New York but looked very modern where Escape looked like a badly produced home movie. Even though this was slow and somewhat depressing, it was a joy to watch and I give it a 7.

I was surprised in many ways by this movie but most of all, I was shocked how funny it was. Mostly, it was a very dark view of society and "progress" and the future but it had moments of black humor like the scene where nameless control room operators blithely fiddle with knobs, trying to figure out a machine while Robert Duvall writhes in pain as a result of their fumbling about. The vast gap between the excruciating torture they are putting him through and the indifference they show as they focus their concern not on his reactions but on exploring the different options of this pain machine perfectly sums up the way this film warns about valuing cold, robotic efficiency over warm humanism and struck me as really funny.

Yeah, it was a real cut up.

Them Bones

Thanks to the mysteries of Netflix, it's double feature week. Occasionally, the movies available for instant streaming have an expiration date added to them for reasons I do not know. This week, 10 of the movies on our watch instantly list were stamped with a "Must Watch By 1/1/10" date so I've got my homework cut out for me.

We started it off with Tim Burton's Corpse Bride. A gorgeous, gorgeous movie that was pretty meh when it comes to the storyline. It's your typical arranged marriage gone wrong film with a twist. Somehow, the protagonist of this movie ends up accidentally getting hitched to a dead girl. Let the hijinx begin.

Boo. Hiss. A rotting, bloated cadaver of a film. The plot was ludicrous, the voodoo jazz band atrocious and the songs were...what is the opposite of catchy?

As in The Nightmare Before Christmas, the songs are subpar and not the kind of toe tappers that will have you leaving the theater humming the tunes but the visuals in the movie are so stunning I was able to forgive the lame soundtrack and boring plot.

I found myself yawning and checking the clock far too much to say I even semi-enjoyed the film. It gets a 2. The beautiful animation was certainly a plus but the hideous, big lipped Peter Lorre worm knocked off 3 full points all by itself. It tried too hard to be goth and odd when it should have focused more on being clever and interesting.

Next up was New York Doll, a film as different from Corpse Bride as possible. It's a documentary about the legendary Arthur "Killer" Kane, the bass player for the short lived but highly influential New York Dolls. The story is absolutely fascinating and is a perfect example of how truth is often much, much stranger than fiction. Arthur spent the 25+ years since the band's dissolution chasing fame but never achieving it at the same level ever again. He got his taste of the spotlight and the rock and roll world and always wanted to get back into it, even after joining the LDS Church and devoting himself to their teachings.

And once again, Morrissey comes to the rescue. In 2004 he curated a music festival in London and asked the three remaining Dolls to reunite for the show. New York Doll documents the weeks leading up to the big show. You can't help fall in love with Arthur Kane in this film whether he's bragging to the ladies at the Mormon Family Library about how his bass playing laid the foundation for the raucous rock of the Dolls or briefing David "Buster Poindexter" Johansen on the tenets of the Mormon lifestyle. His childlike joy at the prospect of getting the band back together is impossible to deny and what at first seems like just an interesting documentary becomes a poignant love story of a man and music. I give it a 9.

It's somehow both heartwarming and heartbreaking. An unexpected joy and one of the more unique documentaries I've seen in awhile. It has specific appeal for Dolls fans but transcends simple music biography to become an artful homage to a rock maniac and a gentle soul.

Wheel-less on Christmas Eve

The wheel has the night off tonight, last minute shopping at the liquor store I think I heard him say, so I'm home watching the always magnificent It's a Wonderful Life. It's something I only experience once a year but it's always lovely even though at times it's damn depressing. The performances in it are so incredible and I'm forever in awe of Jimmy Stewart's effortless brilliance and oversized charisma. The way he shapes certain lines with that infamous voice of his is simply awesome. He carries the film ably on his long, lanky frame and blows me away every time.

Each year I seem to react to the film in the exact same way. I ooh and awe at the Charleston dance scene over the opening pool, I swoon as he and Donna Reed court each other by the Hydrangea bushes, I hiss at Potter and am deeply crushed when the money goes missing and I am eternally confused by the basics of the banking business and the scene where George saves the Building & Loan. But this year, I finally realised the terrible emotional roller coaster this movie is and the horrible way George Bailey and his wife consistently have their dreams snatched away just as they are about the realise them. It's excruciating to watch and reminded me of one of the greatest movies I saw this year - Up.

Up landed atop many critics' year end lists and for good reason. It is another in a long line of insanely creative Pixar films but one of the things I loved most about it was the left turn it took halfway through. What started as a poignant love story ends up as a loony adventure tale that somehow never loses its heart.

One of the most talked about sequences of 2009 is right near the beginning of Up as you watch the journey of two lives unfold wordlessly over the course of 10 minutes. It's absolute perfection and full of the ebullient joys and crushing lows of life and can make a person tear up just to think about. What I found most affecting about the sequence was the way the couple keeps having their dreams thwarted and their savings used for broken down cars or other curve balls life throws at them instead of exotic trips or vacation cruises. It's the tough reality that most people face, eking out a living while rarely getting a chance to explore all the grand schemes and insane plans they wish they could.

It's a Wonderful Life is a full length feature based on this premise and it's one of the main reasons it works so well. I somehow never noticed this before but the push and pull between dreams and reality is what makes it so affecting. Sometimes people are able to capitalize on life's possibilities and end up stumbling around the jungle with a boy scout and talking dog and other times the adventures one has are much more close to home.

Whatever Happened to Babe Insane?

When you watch a Joan Crawford movie, you know you're in for histrionics and scenery chewing and Strait-Jacket has them in spades. Joan screeches, swaggers and swings her way through this cannonball of a film as only she can. Playing a woman emerging from an insane asylum 20 years after decapitating her second husband, she alternates between meek and ashamed and boozy and blowsy with reckless abandon.

Joan Crawford is a woman possessed by a self assurance of the highest order. You can see it in the way she carries herself in every scene, acting like she owns the film and is the sexiest movie star ever to grace the silver screen. She's ferocious and hungry for blood and has the best grimace I think I've ever seen. A truly horrifying actress playing a truly horrifying person in a very bizarre film.

It was directed and produced by William Castle, the man behind "The Tingler" and other gimmicky movies of the 50s and 60s, and it shows his flair for grabbing the audience's attention from the very beginning. It starts with blood curdling screams and quickly follows that up with infidelity, a grisly murder and strait-jacket mayhem. From there, it flashes forward 20 years as Joan attempts to re-enter proper society, moving in with her daughter, brother and sister-in-law. Everywhere she looks there are reminders of her past crime - chickens being decapitated, pigs being fattened for slaughter, numerous busts in her daughter's art studio. And the blades! Knives and axes litter the farm, tempting her at every turn. It was campy and stupid but utterly watchable all the way through to the Scooby-Doo ending where everything is nicely explained to the audience.

I like those explanations. So many modern movies leave it up to the audience to figure out what is going on and what the motives are with Strait-Jacket there was no thinking required. It's nice to sit back and have it all laid out on a platter and for that I give it an 8. Plus, it was filled with so many memorable scenes. Joan coming on to her daughter's increasingly uncomfortable beau to the point that she started fondling his lips. The grisly (by 1961 standards) beheading in the slaughterhouse. And my favorite scene of all of 2009 - Joan Crawford defiantly lighting a match by striking it on a spinning record causing it to screech to a halt as she lights her cigarette. Movie magic.

I Don't Believe You (He Acts Like We Have Never Met)

I typically know something about the movies I watch. Sometimes it's a film based on a book I've read so there are few surprises and other times I've simply read the brief synopsis provided by Netflix and I at least have a small idea of what I'm getting myself into. With He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not I had no clue what to expect and it was all the better for it. It was a lazy night, Hott Mama suggested a sweet, little Audrey Tatou vehicle and I half heartedly said "sure" before we launched the instant viewing screen and ended up with a completely unexpected experience. The less said about it the better but I highly recommend it for anyone turned off by cookie cutter romance films.

I give it a 3. Thwarted expectations can be satisfying but not when you're hoping for another Amelie. Where were the fantastical flights of fancy? Where was the magic? Where was the crushing love and celebration of all that is good and pure in the world? When I'm promised a manic pixie dream girl movie I expect a payoff, dammit!

I thought there was an amazing payoff in this movie. We both almost turned it off after 20 minutes or so but it was right around that part the movie became supremely interesting. This is one of those movies that takes a clever premise and really capitalizes on it, similar to the way Memento did. I can't recommend it enough for anyone looking for a fun, unique film but trust me, go into it blind.

I couldn't disagree with you more. I think we should tell anyone reading this the full plot so they can save themselves a wasted hour and a half and get on with their lives. Don't get your hopes up as I did, you'll only be guaranteed a severe disappointment. I fell asleep during part of it and when I awoke, I swear it was still the same scene. If you're looking for a unique viewing experience, try watching Amelie without the subtitles but do not bother with this nonsense.

Liverpool Is For Lovers

There’s some serious Beatlemania happening in our house right now. Dorian goes to sleep most nights by singing Beatles songs to himself at top volume only to wake up the next morning to sing some more. Sebastian has been cataloguing his favorite songs in list after list and has recently been working on an adventure story involving George Harrison titled "With a Little Help From My Friends." In addition to this, there are countless games of Beatles Rock Band, Let’s Pretend We’re the Beatles and the ever-popular Guess Which Beatles Song I’m Humming going on daily. The kids are junkies for the Loverly Lads from Liverpool and I can’t blame them, they are fantastic. This recent addiction has allowed me to re-evaluate their colossal awesomeness and I find myself stunned by their sustained creative output over such a short period of time.

We are not only celebrating the Beatles music but every aspect of the culture they created. We recently found a cheap paperback comic book history of the Beatles at the Montague Book Mill which features a lovely drawing of the Ku Klux Klan protesting John’s “Bigger than Jesus” comment and Sebastian asked if he could get a mop top haircut the other day. As you can see, we’ve gone completely bonkers and nothing we do can satiate the hunger. In an attempt to satisfy these junkies, we’ve been plowing through the Beatles movies and I’ve been amazed at just how different they all are. Yellow Submarine is an old favorite in the house and may be the first movie Sebastian ever watched in full. The psychedelic imagery and candy colored drawings really seem to appeal to infants. I covered Help! in a previous entry so that brings us to the last two official Beatles films which couldn’t be more opposite.

A Hard Day’s Night is a bonafide classic with gorgeous black and white photography and an energetic storyline capturing the kinetic energy of the band’s early stardom. Everywhere they go a near riot breaks out as young girls scream and cry and push each other to the ground in a desperate attempt to catch a glimpse of the nattily dressed lads. I love this film because it captures the Beatles at their sardonic best, snidely poking holes in the notions of celebrity, authority and propriety. After seeing this again I can see why they seemed like such a threat at the time. They look so squeaky clean in retrospect but their wonderful lack of respect for the old ways must have been quite a shock at the time.

First Elvis with his lascivious hips and then these long haired freaks with their lewd love songs and flippant remarks – no wonder the kids went crazy while the parents wrung their hands. This movie is incredible from the absurd hijinks to the stellar songs. Plus, it’s hilarious. John and Ringo are especially funny but top prize goes to the Paul’s cranky grandfather who has a wild anti-authoritarian streak of his own and is one of the toughest bastards in film history. I give this a 9.

Upon rewatching this masterpiece, I was struck by how you could already see the band fighting against the fame rigmarole and the constrictions of the road. I was also amazed by the harrowing scene where the grandfather tells Ringo to stop reading books and to get out there and live. Amidst all of the nonsense, there’s some prescient foreshadowing of the band’s career and some serious truth tucked into the proceedings.

On the flipside is the bizarre mindmelt called Magical Mystery Tour. It is angrier than Hard Day’s Night, sillier than Help! and more of a psychedelic nightmare than Yellow Submarine. It also nearly unwatchable. About 18 minutes into it, Dorian (Super Beatle Fan #2) asked “when will this be done?” Exactly.

I was hoping for a wonderful journey through the British country side and instead ended up with an incoherent waste of time and space. It's hard to imagine such junk coming from these unbelievably talented and creative people and if I didn't know better I would think they made this in an effort to kill off their fan base. Absolutely atrocious. It gets a 2.

Apparently Ringo directed this so I will put the blame squarely on him. As much as I love Ringo, this was one baby that should have been thrown out with the bathwater. The songs are incredible and I think this is their most underrated album but the jumbled mess of a movie does not do them justice. Another thing not helping it was the DVD copy we watched. Apparently digitally dubbed from a time worn 8th generation VHS copy, it looked horrible. All the colors were washed out and the film looked ready to come apart at the seams at any moment. With any other film I would have been outraged but with this piece of junk it was just par for the course.

I, Stoneface

The Good Shepherd is the definition of ho-hum. It’s one of those big Hollywood prestige pictures where everything seems so carefully planned out ahead of time and the producers are obviously hoping to be a serious Oscar contender. It's got a lot going for it but it seemed so hermetically sealed that I could only shrug at the end. The film is helmed by a well-known director (Robert DeNiro or Bobby as he’s asked me to call him), it’s lousy with capable actors (Matt Damon, John Turturro, Billy Crudup) and it’s really, really long yet it failed to wow me.

That’s because you are unwowable. This movie had it all – intrigue, espionage, double crossing, triple crossing, unjust murders, secret societies, sexy good times and the worst LSD trip I've seen in a long time. It was riveting from beginning to end and I give it a 9.

The beginning showed promise, I will give you that. I was sucked in by all the fun spy stuff like mysterious gifts and coded messages but soon enough I was bored. All the jumping back and forth between the 1940s and 1960s grew tiresome and the varying plotlines was purposefully confusing at times.

I knew you'd be too confused to enjoy it. Movies with more than 3 main characters addle your feeble brain. "Who's that guy?" "Why did they kill him?" "Why are they calling that food towel a napkin?" It was intricate and richly detailed and if you watched closely, you were rewarded with a masterful retelling of the messy beginnings of the CIA.

I guess I bailed once I realised that no one in this movie could be trusted. If all the characters in a story have underlying motives and are willing to stab each other in the back, the concern I have disappears. The rules of the game changed so suddenly and so often that all tension dissipated and I simply watched the dutiful drama play out with no vested interest. Plus, that Angelina Jolie is a terrible actress, eh? Granted, it was a pretty thankless role but she was no fun to watch. And why was Joe Pesci in this thing at all? Everyone was so well spoken and well dressed and then out of nowhere comes Pesci in his Miami garb and thick accent to bring a little Goodfellas to the proceedings. Who was he playing and how did the character fit into the story? I felt like I had gotten up to go to the bathroom and missed a vital plot point but I never actually left the room.

I didn't get that either but it seemed inconsequential to the rest of the story. The movie was overstuffed with plot and that was one scene that could have been trimmed if you were to cut this down to a movie that didn't require an intermission. One scene that I would leave in no matter what would be the one where the little boy pees on Santa. Nothing says the holidays like tears at a Christmas party and a wet lap for Old Saint Nick.